Love...

In my 21 years of life on this planet I have been given many opportunities to learn many things. Things like, look both ways before you cross the street, because there is almost always a car waiting for the moment you aren't looking to hit you at top speeds, or when baking cookies it is always helpful if you remember to add flour to the dough. And in addition to these sometimes mundane educational opportunities there have been instances whee I have been given a chance to learn something life changing.

I titled this entry "Love..." because that is one constant that has been present in my life. I have been given the gift of many people around me who love me... These people accept me for who I am, who I am not, and what I will or will not be later in life. I have also learned that these people have also been given a great gift, because I love them back. So regardless of what I may think, on some level I will always "have their back" as I hope they do mine. But what happens when there is nothing I can do? What if putting on my wonder woman cape just doesn't cut it? What then?

Being a believer in love myself, I find it very difficult to just give up on someone. To just trow up my hands and say, " Well, I tried." This has never been acceptable in my life ever before, and as much as I hate to admit it now... I am coming to a point where I don't know what else to do...

I've prayed, and continue to pray. I have researched, but no one seems to know the answer. I've wished on many stars, and still my wish has yet to come true.

So now I am face with changing my perspective on love. I have always known that in the back of my mind that life is not fair, but is it possible that love is not fair either? That can't be true!

What else must I re-evaluate? Friendship? Family? God?

If that's the case, I don't even want to deal with it. Maybe I'm trying to find an answer to a question that is not even supposed to be asked yet....?

Hopping Down the Bunny Trail...

Easter will be different this year...

And at the Tolvstad household that means taking down all the snowmen decorations and replacing the frozen friends with bunnies, chicks, and jelly beans. At one point today I looked around our living room and thought out loud, " Just enough without being totally cheesy." Because this year my sister and I did the decorating... and we didn't put out every egg, ceramic bunny or Easter basket in the three Rubbermaid tubs that hold our Easter decorations.

However, this is not why Easter will be different this year.

As my Mom inspected our decorating job throughout the house, we all couldn't help but know what was missing. It wasn't the basket with the various birds glued in the ivy wound around its handle. And it wasn't the ceramic bunnies that had eyes that light up. Something wasn't missing, someone was...

The woman who all of her life had dedicated her time to making sure that my family had a great holiday will not be with us on this day of joy. She will not be here to wipe tears from her eyes at church after the choir is finished singing. Or to find her Easter basket. Or to be on my team in Euchre.

I know we will all have a tough time tomorrow, because of my Grandmother's lack of physical presence, but life will go on. The world doesn't stop because someone is missing. School will still be there on Tuesday to challenge me and work will be there to make me roll my eyes. Nothing really has changed except someone is missing. My already small family has gotten smaller, closer but smaller.

But no- that's wrong...

When my Grandma died we all realized how big our family was! Family has taken on a whole new meaning for me... and blood has little to do with it. It is this family that hugs me even when I don't know that's what I needed, who make me laugh, and sing, and dance. Without this family I wouldn't be able to smile and keep going... or more appropriately for the time, keep hopping...

I know, I know... I'm a horrible blogger...

Okay before you start yelling, life has been a little crazy. And honestly, I thought I would get some serious blogging in during Christmas break, but that proved to be impossible. And before you get all excited for me because you think that I went somewhere exciting over break, I must tell you that I didn't go anywhere but home. But that was okay, because I missed home. (shh don't tell my mom!)

Okay so quick update: going to be in school forever, picked up a Women's studies minor. Looking for an apartment in La Crosse. Still working at Culver's-- just celebrated 3.5 years there. And Mom and Dad got the family (aka themselves) a wii-- so practically, I think the world is coming to an end! :P

So topic for the evening is getting older. Much has changed in my twenty-one years of life. I find it hard to believe that I am in ten plus year friendships. I suppose this is all part of getting older, and honestly I am as proud of these friendships as I am my newer ones. And overall, I really can't complain about these last twenty-one years.

However, with getting older comes other big milestones. Some of my friends are getting married, and even having babies!! In my head I don't think we are old enough yet for these milestones! I suppose this is because I don't think I am ready for these things. I really don't mind, it's just mind blowing when I think that 10 years ago I was 11. (Plus weddings are fun and babies are cute!)

So I guess there will come a day where I will have to wake up every morning and put on my "big girl pants" (these are metaphorical pants, but I do wear pants everyday). Maybe growing up won't be so bad after all, as long as I have friends who are doing it with me...