Update

So I am well aware that it has been WAY too long since my last post, but what can I say, life is crazy. Last semester I had a lot of work to do with my Capstone, and the outlook for next semester doesn't look good for blogging either. If this 19 credit load doesn't kill me it will be amazing. Other than school, my life has been filled with a lot of the same ole stuff. I'm still working at the big C and am ready to move on, but for now it pays the bills. I also am preparing for my final semester of my undergraduate college career and as terrifyingly exciting as that is, I'm trying to not get too worked up or excited about it. (I think I'll save myself from some panic attacks.)
In other recent news, I was very excited to learn that my father has finally agreed that it was time our family upgrade to the full data plan for our cell phones. Which meant that my dream of owning an iPhone has come true, and much sooner than I ever expected it to. So I'm currently in my super geeky excited mood for awhile until I get over the fact that this is real life and not just a dream. But as I'm playing and learning how to use my new phone, I couldn't help to think how amazing technology really is. I don't think this is a thought that the people of my generation generally have. I mean why should we? We've grown up with computers and cell phones our whole lives. Why should a phone that can use my voice to search the Internet amaze us? But when I was thinking of this today, I couldn't help but think that this was a little sad. I mean, as I'm sure I will hear about 20 more times this month from my Dad, this was not in the realm of possibilities when he was growing up. Who would have thought for a second that most of the population would be one day carrying around computers in their pockets? Especially when computers were first introduced and took up a whole room! It is pretty amazing to see how much we have accomplished in such a short time. It also can be pretty frustrating when one thinks of all of the problems of the world which we are no where near solving, but as cheesy as this sounds, there is hope in technology. If we can carry around computers in our pockets maybe one day there will be a cure for all major diseases. It's definitely puts it within reach, doesn't it?

Love...

In my 21 years of life on this planet I have been given many opportunities to learn many things. Things like, look both ways before you cross the street, because there is almost always a car waiting for the moment you aren't looking to hit you at top speeds, or when baking cookies it is always helpful if you remember to add flour to the dough. And in addition to these sometimes mundane educational opportunities there have been instances whee I have been given a chance to learn something life changing.

I titled this entry "Love..." because that is one constant that has been present in my life. I have been given the gift of many people around me who love me... These people accept me for who I am, who I am not, and what I will or will not be later in life. I have also learned that these people have also been given a great gift, because I love them back. So regardless of what I may think, on some level I will always "have their back" as I hope they do mine. But what happens when there is nothing I can do? What if putting on my wonder woman cape just doesn't cut it? What then?

Being a believer in love myself, I find it very difficult to just give up on someone. To just trow up my hands and say, " Well, I tried." This has never been acceptable in my life ever before, and as much as I hate to admit it now... I am coming to a point where I don't know what else to do...

I've prayed, and continue to pray. I have researched, but no one seems to know the answer. I've wished on many stars, and still my wish has yet to come true.

So now I am face with changing my perspective on love. I have always known that in the back of my mind that life is not fair, but is it possible that love is not fair either? That can't be true!

What else must I re-evaluate? Friendship? Family? God?

If that's the case, I don't even want to deal with it. Maybe I'm trying to find an answer to a question that is not even supposed to be asked yet....?

Hopping Down the Bunny Trail...

Easter will be different this year...

And at the Tolvstad household that means taking down all the snowmen decorations and replacing the frozen friends with bunnies, chicks, and jelly beans. At one point today I looked around our living room and thought out loud, " Just enough without being totally cheesy." Because this year my sister and I did the decorating... and we didn't put out every egg, ceramic bunny or Easter basket in the three Rubbermaid tubs that hold our Easter decorations.

However, this is not why Easter will be different this year.

As my Mom inspected our decorating job throughout the house, we all couldn't help but know what was missing. It wasn't the basket with the various birds glued in the ivy wound around its handle. And it wasn't the ceramic bunnies that had eyes that light up. Something wasn't missing, someone was...

The woman who all of her life had dedicated her time to making sure that my family had a great holiday will not be with us on this day of joy. She will not be here to wipe tears from her eyes at church after the choir is finished singing. Or to find her Easter basket. Or to be on my team in Euchre.

I know we will all have a tough time tomorrow, because of my Grandmother's lack of physical presence, but life will go on. The world doesn't stop because someone is missing. School will still be there on Tuesday to challenge me and work will be there to make me roll my eyes. Nothing really has changed except someone is missing. My already small family has gotten smaller, closer but smaller.

But no- that's wrong...

When my Grandma died we all realized how big our family was! Family has taken on a whole new meaning for me... and blood has little to do with it. It is this family that hugs me even when I don't know that's what I needed, who make me laugh, and sing, and dance. Without this family I wouldn't be able to smile and keep going... or more appropriately for the time, keep hopping...

I know, I know... I'm a horrible blogger...

Okay before you start yelling, life has been a little crazy. And honestly, I thought I would get some serious blogging in during Christmas break, but that proved to be impossible. And before you get all excited for me because you think that I went somewhere exciting over break, I must tell you that I didn't go anywhere but home. But that was okay, because I missed home. (shh don't tell my mom!)

Okay so quick update: going to be in school forever, picked up a Women's studies minor. Looking for an apartment in La Crosse. Still working at Culver's-- just celebrated 3.5 years there. And Mom and Dad got the family (aka themselves) a wii-- so practically, I think the world is coming to an end! :P

So topic for the evening is getting older. Much has changed in my twenty-one years of life. I find it hard to believe that I am in ten plus year friendships. I suppose this is all part of getting older, and honestly I am as proud of these friendships as I am my newer ones. And overall, I really can't complain about these last twenty-one years.

However, with getting older comes other big milestones. Some of my friends are getting married, and even having babies!! In my head I don't think we are old enough yet for these milestones! I suppose this is because I don't think I am ready for these things. I really don't mind, it's just mind blowing when I think that 10 years ago I was 11. (Plus weddings are fun and babies are cute!)

So I guess there will come a day where I will have to wake up every morning and put on my "big girl pants" (these are metaphorical pants, but I do wear pants everyday). Maybe growing up won't be so bad after all, as long as I have friends who are doing it with me...

Frost... scratch that, Snow on the Pumpkins....

So I realize that it has been forever since my last blog post, and I am hear to tell you that you can stop holding your breath, as I am sure all of you are doing. But here it is, my 5th blog post... and it is going to be an update of all that I have been holding out on you.



First, since last I blogged, I have no further problems with my computer (knock on wood). And for the first few days I gave it the Ole' college try to only check my facebook 2 times a day... Then I was in desperate need for a distraction... FACEBOOK TO THE RESCUE!! So, oh well. Everyone has their little addictions and facebook is currently mine.



On another note completely, I turned 21 since my last blog. Here's how that went... I awoke at the early hour of 6:45 to get ready to go to class. Classes started at 8 and continued until 12. I then returned to my apartment to wait for my roommates to come back from class. At about 1, my roommates, Brooke and Kyle, and my friend Danielle all went to Carlos O'Kelly's for my birthday lunch. We were seated and our waitress asked for our drink order. It was as follows: "water, water, water, Strawberry Margarita please." I proudly whipped out my ID and smiled. She asked what size I had. I then came back to my apartment and relaxed. Then about 7 p.m. my friends Mindy and Amanda took me downtown to a bar called Cheap Shots. Where I received my birthday shot ,Carmel Apple, and then Amanda bought a round of shots for all three of us. We looked at the list of shots and decided on one called "Used Condom". I am here to tell you that a "Used Condom" is delicious. We then paid our HUGE bar tab and left. I then walked down the street to Jeff and Jim's Pizza. Picked up the 2 pizza's I had ordered for my roommates and I, and went home. My roomate Kyle and I at pizza and watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the rest of the night. It was not the usual 21st birthday, but it seemed to fit me so I cannot complain... too much.



Now, today I woke up, walked outside to find snow falling from the sky. This is most upsetting because it is the 12th of October!! Where did fall go? So not only am I freezing, but my favorite season has run away from me! :( Does this mean that in order for me to carve my pumpkin I will have to use and ice pick? As interesting and fun as that sounds I am going to miss fall. Maybe I will have to just eat a lot of fall things to make me feel better. You know things like pumpkin muffins, pie, cookies, cake, and warm apple cider. But I somehow feel that no matter what I do to make it seem like fall, it will not be the same. :*(



So that is my life in a nutshell for right now. Just party after party. Drink after drink. Life without pumpkins and full of snow... for those of you who know me know that just isn't so! (Corny i know but give me a break!)

Hi I'm Nissa, and I'm a facebookaholic....

This is how my first week back to college ends...

my computer had decided to act like the 3 year old computer it is...

So what's a resourceful college student to do? Why, try everything known under the sun to try and fix it by myself of course.... And when that didn't work, bring it in to the on-campus IT guys...

Now at this point I think it is safe to say that I had NO IDEA how essential a computer is to a college student... now I know, and if you don't want to live vicariously through through me that is just fine.

So anyway, I obviously got my computer fixed, and I have spent the last few hours doing what I call "catching up with my life", a.k.a. checking email, twitter, and of course facebook.

They say the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting you have a problem.... and I am telling you today... that the 8 days that my computer was not working were the hard, not because I could not do my homework from home, but because I could not check my facebook....

I know it's sad, and that got me thinking, so from this day forward, I am going to try to check my facebook only 2 times a day... it will be hard but I feel that I can do it!!

Yay friends...

In the past I have thanked and encouraged the people in my life to be honest with me, and sometimes brutally honest. For me, if my friends could tell me anything, ( and I do mean ANYTHING) that meant that not only, did we feel comfortable with each other, but that also meant that somewhere deep down inside, whatever my friends told me I already knew...

For example, if I were to be wearing ugly shoes and my friend were to mention how unappealing they were, I would have to agree, because I would have already known that the shoes in question really were just really crappy shoes.

However, because of a recent chain of events, I have begun to question my own trust and confidence in my brutally honest friends.

Is there a line that one must draw in the sand of friendship that we cannot cross? Or am I just reading to much into statements? All of this thinking really has me thinking and questioning the friendships which I hold so dear.

Is there such a thing as a pure, undying, tell each other everything, hold nothing back, tell each other their faults friendship? Or must we all learn when to be brutally honest and when to tap dance around our friends sensitivities?